Late at night, as I am awake with dreary eyes,I think of everything in my life. I think of my friends, school, family. Mostly, I think of you.
You came into my life at such a random time, but it was exactly what I needed. I needed someone to care for me. To be there for me, since no one else was. And you were.
You made me feel a point of happiness that I had not felt in such a long time. You made me feel like there was a reason to get up every morning.
The way you made me feel so alive, so breathless. I needed that feeling of being wanted; and that you did.
You always started our conversations. I had a special feeling inside that made me think you really cared for me.
Everyday we spoke. From the time we woke up until the time we slept. We stayed up at odd times in the morning just talking the world. 1 a.m, 2 a.m, 3 a.m Nothing was ever boring with you.
We always knew what to say. I felt a point of comfort with you. That’s when I knew; I had grown feelings for you.
I always asking myself “Where is this heading?” but at the time, I didn’t care. All I wanted was you.
I didn’t want to come off as a needy girl, so I kept it all to myself. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt. So I just kept it all inside.
Inside my black hole of thoughts to be buried like most of the other things I think up.
Then it all stopped. We stopped talking and there was nothing I could do about it. You stopped talking to me. Forgot me it seemed like. I felt as if I did something wrong.
You weren’t there when I needed you most in my life. I needed you to talk to, like how we always did. I needed someone to care, I needed you.
I tried my hardest to forget you, but nothing seemed to work. All my thoughts were about you. I stayed up late at night, thinking about you. When will this madness end? That was my thought for weeks.
Then when we spoke again, it made me remember us. What we had in the past, and I just hoped that nothing changed. And it didn’t.
We talked as if we haven’t stopped. You made me feel happy again. Making my stomach have those twisty-turny feelings again. But the good kind.
But yet at the same time, things weren’t the same again. We didn’t talk like before and it seems like you didn’t care as much.
You said “let’s just be friends.” I had to accept it, for I can not force feelings onto you for how I wish you felt about me.
It’s not as it was before, but I’d rather have you in my life in some way than not at all.
No matter how hard I try, my thoughts are always about you. These endless thoughts that keep me awake at night. Always thinking of what we could have been. What I wish we could be.
I am just too afraid to tell you, that this is how I really feel for you. Maybe one day I will get the courage. But for now, this is between me and my mind. We are at war with all of these thoughts. All of these thoughts about you.