A lot of people have questioned about what goes through a player’s mind in terms of romantic relationships. What makes them fall in love? Why do they become players, and… Do they really intend to hurt people? What is their purpose?
These questions will all be answered by the perspective of someone who used to be a player. Yes, I used to be one when I was younger and no, I am not proud of it. I will just try to clear out your minds, ladies and gentlemen, to understand a little better about what being a “player” is like based on my personal experiences only.
So, what really is the player trying to accomplish in a relationship?
Subconsciously, players have the desire to be loved. Of course, everyone wants to be loved, but players have a different and stronger need which they crave for. They have to prove themselves worthy of in order to get on with their everyday life, and trust me, this is all subconscious – we never do it on purpose. Players want to look good and desirable in front of other people’s eyes because, as mentioned above, we want to feel loved.
At first, these love gamers want to attract as many people as possible. We do this by very subtle moves; trying to show that we are unique and absolutely harmless helps us get what we want, yet we don’t have the slightest idea of what we’re getting into. No, not even us. Our goal, still subconscious, is to get an approval from people around us to show that we have power and we are capable of reflecting love on people so they fall for us. This makes us feel good and it lights a spark of new confidence within us. Lots of people usually say, “Players will make you believe that they love you, but they don’t”. This is not true – players, at least in my case, can have strong feelings for you, but those feelings are lost once you give them what they want: Approval!! I am not saying they are using you on purpose; we don’t even mean to hurt anyone at all, we just work hard for what we want, and once we get it, we say, “What now?” we’ve got you, so now what do we do about it? We DON’T commit; that’s too scary for us. We are scared of commitment because we think we’ll get hurt due to it. And what makes us think we’ll get hurt? Well, because we have experienced it before, and it only led us to a road full of misery and depression… It’s that simple to understand.
Have you ever heard of the saying “you never know what you have until you lose it”? It is true in our case as well, but also in the reversed form, “after you get what you want, you don’t want it” by Marilyn Monroe. It’s a song, you should listen to it – it describes a player just perfectly in a synthesis. Trust me though, players don’t do this on purpose; it’s a subconscious action and we don’t mean to hurt you. A lot of people are confused based on several misconceptions made about these players; many might think we are heartless or we don’t have feelings at all. In fact, these people are completely ignorant to a player’s philosophy. It’s not your fault though; society makes people believe things that aren’t even true whatsoever! The way people describe a player is exaggerated, and once you get the “player” reputation, they all hate you or love you. It depends on the situation. When you see a person who is like Casanova, you might think that they’re cool and awesome but in fact, they are very insecure deep inside and only are there to fulfil their personal needs.
What makes players fall in love?
Oh, I’ve got a pretty neat answer for this one. It’s accurate and it works. So you just learned why a player is out there seeking for approval, but then you get confused and ask yourself, “Do they ever fall in love?” the answer is yes, they do fall in love, but not with just anyone. The truth is, players rarely fall in love with someone due to past heartbreaks or other types of emotional abuse. So when you catch someone who hangs out with or dates many guys or girls at once (aka a player), chances are they’re not even in love with these people; they’re just there to satisfy their own wishes, and it can be anything they want from them; this can be their money, fame, sex, kinky pictures, attention, or security (to feel loved!)
A lot of people confuse strong feelings with love, passion and lust; a player will tell you that he/she loves you and they even believe it themselves, but once they have to prove it, it all goes crashing down. Believe me, they truly believe that they love you, but really they only have strong lust (sexual desire) and/or passion for you. Passion is a word that many get confused with too. It is a state of emotional attraction toward someone, BUT it does not last long.
Now, the real answer to the question “what makes players fall in love?” is pretty simple, but requires a lot of effort, discreetness and subtlety.
First of all, you need to make the player know you’re standing out from the crowd. What I mean is you need to be different from everyone else and not give them the attention they crave for, like the others. This is what really gets us at first… We try to figure out why on earth you’re not giving us what we want from you. So what do we do? Yes, we start chasing you like a duck would a June bug. The mystery of your behaviour just gets us thinking and trying to figure you out, especially if you’re really good looking (wink wink). However, you need to make us work hard for this because if you don’t, we’ll treat you as “special” as the other ones we have wrapped around our little finger. You have to master this skill though! You don’t just do it and magically make a player fall in love with you. Practice it, and you’ll notice the difference in a few months – guaranteed.
Second thing you need to do is pretty much hold your ground. Really. Don’t throw yourself at that player, even if they show a genuine attitude and you think they truly care for and love you. Just hold your ground, control your emotions, and don’t let the player manipulate you. That’s what they do sometimes… unfortunately. Some people call this method “hard to get”… But a lot of you get confused because the player KNOWS when their target is playing hard to get. So that’s why you have to apply subtlety and discreetness.
Why are players this way?
This is why players BECOME players; keep in mind they’re not born that way. There are various options, and many types of players. So this article is based on my personal experiences and feelings because I have been one and gained a reputation which I’m not proud of. I am trying to change it now because honestly, players can be very damn clueless (unintentionally!)
So these are the possible reasons why a player becomes a player:
They’ve been emotionally abused before (in any way, shape or form) and keep in mind they subconsciously respond to that by being this way – players are NOT intentionally like this. At first they don’t even know that they’re acting like a player, until they gain that notoriety. So they’re insecure, though they do not want to show it. This can be due to bullying, being played by/broken-hearted, losing their loved ones a lot, etc.
Crave attention and/or fame. Players usually want attention because they have a desire to prove themselves and feel worthy of. They use romantic relationships to feel good about themselves from different people’s perspectives.
Their sex drive is out of control. Okay, some players can get very needy in this category, and then they try to sugar-coat their personality so that the boy/girl they’re trying to have sex with feels safe doing it, especially if that particular boy/girl is good-looking (I know, very cruel, but again – this is a subconscious need to not feel insecure or worthless)
Messed up family. The family background plays an important role here: if they have a dad who is constantly going out with different women and leaving his wife at home, the daughter/son can learn this too and do the same exact thing. Also, if a girl has a mother who invites many men to her house and appears in bed with different ones each morning while the dad is working outside the country to provide for them, she can learn this stuff too
Peer pressure. This applies mostly for the boys, because at a young age, boys tend to think that having many girls around them makes them “cool”. However, this is not healthy because they mess themselves up (no one else) and end up behaving that way as adults, which makes their lives miserable and unbearably difficult to deal with, especially when they’ve gained a “player” reputation. This reputation isn’t very cool as you grow up, so be careful boys. Act wisely.
So that’s what you guys need to know about players. This is true for many of them out there, though not all players are this way. Watch out for people that can seem harmless at first but you may end up seeing the demon they had inside the whole time as you get to know them, and that can just tear you apart.
I strongly suggest you get to know someone very, very well first before falling at their feet. Visit their families, hang out with their friends, go to their work, and observe them prudently.
Keep in mind: Players apply to BOTH sexes, not only female or male.