A Letter to All Girls, Ladies, and Married Women

Close your legs. Walk like a lady. Go to the kitchen. These are just a handful of comments girls experience. Some may say that all these lines are sexist, and others may say that they’re vital. I say that they are neither. Amongst those two extremes, I am in-between. Who invented the “walk” that all women have to follow? If nothing is showing why should I close my legs? Yes, I love to cook– but why does it have to be seen as my duty to know every single recipe? Girls are complicated, yet simple, if you get what I mean. I’m still waiting on the day my whole family is sitting together and my brother gets told to cook. My mom says it’s important for marriage, I say no woman wants a liability. I do not plan on being a housewife, and for all other ambitious girls I expect the same. What happens when I travel and he is home with the kids? Will I have to arrange for food to be sent, or will they just be eating take-out everyday? I wonder. I also do not expect my husband to be the only breadwinner. Yes we are one. Yes what’s his is what’s mine. But it is embarrassing and quite a shame when women are so dependent on their husbands for money. Think about it. Everything you want to buy, from ice cream to clothes, you have to ask for it just the way you would ask your mom if you could get that really cool toy in the store. If he’s good, you will most likely get it, the thing is that not everybody is good. Instead of your discussions about expenses to be a two-sided conversation, it will turn into you asking and him having the power to say no. Why? Because no matter how kind a person is, nobody likes it when others take credit for their work.If you do happen to marry an extremely traditional man and it works out fine, then I say go for it. However, most of the time, men just don’t know what they want. Especially in this day and age, don’t start complaining when he compares you to George’s wife, or Yemi’s wife who are able bring money into the home and keep up with the house. You feel like your husband doesn’t respect you despite what you do? Get a job and he will.

What’s the deal with boys? Well, from my perspective as a teenage girl, I believe that they are the topic the most discussed. When those feelings start coming in, they hit girls hard in the face. Sometimes, girls are looking for boys to mess around with. Other times, they are just minding their own business and it just comes. You can’t really control your mind’s responses to others, but you can control your actions. The thing that girls don’t realize is that it’s not the same with boys. Boys may like you, or think they like you but it’s all lust. Why? Because their hormones are racing everywhere and they aren’t really thinking of anything else but sexual appeal. There are seven phases before a man falls in love. Phase one to phase five is just about the guy chasing the girl, and trying to get her to fall in love with him. At phase six he decides whether or not he wants to keep you even though by then he would have made you head over heals in love. Phase seven is the final decision of whether he loves you. Guard your hearts girls; it’s not all roses. The reality is that some will end up happy and others heart broken just because of a teenage boy who is just doing what he does by nature. It’s especially worse in teenagers because they honestly have not sat down to think about what they want in a girl. They see a pretty face, and a rocking body and they are already flying at her before analyzing her personality. By the time they get to phase six, and they realize that they don’t like her morals or her character, the girl has already fallen in love and he’s breaking up. Should you be a teenager and be dating? No. You aren’t going to get anything out of it except a break-up which just leads to uncomfortable interactions from there on. Girls, think about it this way; you’re too young to get married, so what happens once one of you is tired, your parents find out, or you get into a big fight. You just don’t have the conflict resolution skills to sort it out.

Should you be a young adult and dating? Yes. Despite the popular Christian belief that one should court, I believe that young adults should make a list of characteristic traits and start looking for their prospective husband. This doesn’t mean that you should mess around though, but it does mean that you should get to know your prospective husband/wife one on one. It is best that your parents don’t know until you are sure that you’ve found “the one.” Carry your parents along of course, but don’t bring the person home until you are sure he/ she isn’t playing you. Why? Because your parents aren’t the ones who will be spending the rest of their lives together with that person, you will. When their thoughts about whom they want you to be with get in the way of whom you like, you could end up unhappy in your marriage life. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t listen to your parents’ advice– no, their advice is very important because it stops you from making mistakes. But please remember that your parents won’t be there to fix any problems you have once fights in your home start.

Ladies, please be smart. Remember your morals. Abide by the Lord.

God Bless